Not too long ago, I wrote an entry about the angst that I experience as a result of my decision not to flirt with girls at the gym. Within the entry, I probably made a comment about it being difficult to meet quality girls in general – the kind you’d actually want a relationship with and not just a “fun night” with. In that same spirit, I would like to address what I consider to be one of the most bizarre aspects of dating life: The Bar Scene.

You know what the bar scene is – it’s when you go to a bar or club and hang out sometime. I think that, in fact, a bar/club is kind of the stereotypical place you think about if you were to try to envision a place where single people might meet other single people. What I can’t figure out is why the hell that is. Let me explain what I mean.

As far as I have seen, there are two kinds of people who go to bars/clubs. There are those people who are there with friends and almost certainly NOT open to meeting people who they might date. Then there are those people who go to bars intentionally to meet people who they probably only really want to know “that night”, if ya know what I mean, and I think you do. So let’s see where someone like me fits in.

When I refer to someone like me, I’m talking about someone who wants to meet girls, but not for a mere romp in the hay, but girls who I actually LIKE and might be able to get along with once we’ve sobered up and gotten past the small talk stage. In other words, I’d want to meet girls who I could potentially have a relationship with, not a fling. I don’t think you find this kind of person at a bar, however. At least, you don’t find them there if my two bar “types” above are accurate, and from my experience, I believe that they are.

So quite frankly, I think that it’s dumb to go to a bar to meet people because of this. But let’s forget that a moment. Let’s pretend that there actually are cool, interesting people that you can meet at a bar who you could potentially have a meaningful relationship with them. I know it’s far fetched, but let’s assume that just in order to address the following question: How then does one meet these rare few in a bar?

One option is a classic pick up line: “That outfit looks really good on you; of course, it would look even better on my bedroom floor.” “I’ll make you a deal: If you buy me a drink, I’ll promise to buy you breakfast.” “If I told you that you had an incredible body, would you hold it against me?” Exactly. Do pick up lines really work? God, I hope not. Even if they do work, I think you’d have to be a total tool to actually use them. And certainly no girl I would ever consider dating would let a pick up line work on her anyway.

Perhaps a more subtle way would be a simple introduction kind of thing: “Hi. My name is Dan. What’s yours? Well Rita, would you like to dance?” Eh. Maybe. It’s better than a pick up line, but it’s still kind of sketchy-McSketch if ya ask me. I mean, how does the girl know that you aren’t just looking for a night of fleeting pleasure? I know if I were a girl, I’d be pretty wary of guys introducing themselves in a bar.

Perhaps the most promising of ways to meet people in a bar is through mutual friends. What I mean is that your friend Ron is dating a girl named Gina. She has a good friend named Sherri, who they’ve been wanting you to meet. Okay, sure. You know she isn’t psycho, since she’s a friend of a friend, and she presumably has heard the same about you. But here’s the thing: This definitely isn’t a uniquely bar-driven situation. What I mean is that this situation can happen in a restaurant, a museum, heck, anywhere. If it happens in a bar, the fact that you were in a bar is almost incidental. So it still isn’t really helping me to appreciate the bar scene any more than I already did (which isn’t at all).

So there you have it. I think the bar scene really sucks. Maybe I’m just missing something, who knows? Maybe I just haven’t discovered the wonders of the bar properly. Maybe my perception is just the product of the bizarre dating culture that I was forced to tolerate during college, and bars elsewhere are different. If you happen to believe differently, by all means, fill me in. Perhaps one day I will discover that bars really are a place with incredibly deep, fun, single women who are dying to meet a guy like me, but I’m certainly not holding my breath in hopeful expectation.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 28th, 2003 at 12:02 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.